woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
