mondays should just be called national damage control day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
