we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize