just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
