so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
