The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
