I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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