Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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