Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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