Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
