So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
