My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
