I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
