She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
