Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
