I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
