Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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