make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
