whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
