i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
