I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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