He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize