so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
