I'm so fucking centered right now
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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