Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
