you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
