Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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