You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
