it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
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