You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
