just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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