he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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