those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
