Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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