On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize