I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
