That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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