Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
