So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
