im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
