You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
