I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
