Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
