my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
