i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
