we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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