My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
