"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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