if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
