We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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