ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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