I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
