My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
