There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
