She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I deserve this hangover.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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