just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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