Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize