Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had sex on a dog bed..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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