And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
me + whiskey = a bad person
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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