you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
