sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
