I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're so committed to being not committed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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