Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she smelled like a LAN party
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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