btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
