She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
