Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
