If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize