It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
