just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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