How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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