But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
