We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize