We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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