I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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