I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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