If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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