I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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