How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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