I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
