she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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