I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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