How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
