she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
