Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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