I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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