be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
