K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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