I accidentally burped into my bong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
