i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
