Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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