a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just cropdusted the office
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
false alarm. still invincible.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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