My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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