Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize