no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
