What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
