he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize