just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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