Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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