i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
