Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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