There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
