you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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