Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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