I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
